to belong in two places at once

One of the blinds in the labs has twisted into a gnarled fan shape and i can't help staring. Instead of looking out, I stare transfixed at the cutout shape between me and outside, against the pane of glass. It is cold and windy out there, but being sick and on foot has not prevented me from getting my fix lately.

NOthing can kill it for me these days,
I almost wish something would
Harsh voices, loud sounds
cold nights and long hours
I don't care about much else
probably as much as one should
I've let her steal my focus
willingly and without regret

Now the bed is empty
as it has been for days
the light shines in through the mirror
and a voice echoes in the glass box:
a pale imitation
for a poor consolation,
this version is covered in rust
building up deeper as water falls

I followed but I arrived alone
how well do I really know her?
she puts it out for all to see
i might be closer in some respects
for coming back, and being there
always the same places
are both foreign and familiar
but there is a large rift
between regognition and affection

I've changed.
We all have.
I'm inclined to look the same things differently and different things the same way. I have added some notches to my belt and knocked off some of the things on my to-do-list. The circle has grown; I'm finding it hard to keep track. Some people are finding that even harder to accept...
Since my last post I have been in and out of a relationship, picked up Salsa dancing as my new outlet, kept earning my keep at the video store, moved one flatmate out, my sister in, my sister back out, and a new flatmate in.
I have changed five lightbulbs, seen a play twice, spent three days at a festival, met eight new friends, beared my whole soul to one friend, told a thousand half truths, seen the doctor three times, cleaned my room four times over, been to the movies five times and watched a million on tv.
Now that I am all caught up, I'm spending my time honing my ability to impress the person in my head. I'm not as transparent as I once was; that feels great. Every now and then I get a bitter-sweet surge but last night this was placated by a smile and a song. I have cried a few times, I was moved - still am.
I can't deny the benefit of a good cryptic rant like the good old days but where's my Charlotte when I need her?

I have just printed of copies of my CAD line drawings (9 of them, she asked for 4) :/ and I'm now faffing around at the computer before i abdicate my hard earned spot in the lab (will have to dispose of the body somehow... hmm)
I've been watching entertaining fluff as I work on my model and the flatmate's lenience has not gone unnoticed. This means we get to live in a spotless clean apartment for a while once the 3rd is come and gone. Hurrah!
I have important things on my mind but i thing they are out of place here...
Will ponder a way to commit them to words
til then... sleep i think is in order

I'm spending more time counting the days back and ahead than paying attention to what is right in front of me, or around me, or inside me. Most of my last posts (albeit getting rarer) have read like this:
two months since the family arrived
six weeks since dad left again
three weeks since mum left
one week free of french play and I'm not sure how I feel about it yet
three weeks until I'm done with another semester
two assignments due this week
everyone's birthdays coming up on me and whizzing past like there's no tomorrow
no too long yet before i get a year older - but I already feel bloody old!
But if I must concentrate on what's right here right now... I guess I would have to say that I'm sitting at my computer working on this assignment due tomorrow and counting the days untill freedom again. :/

Ok so a rapid update of the last week in the life of me:
Airboarding is awesome, work is paying me reasonably for what i do, the french play is too demanding but fun, the 'higher entity of directing-ness' is more demanding and less funny (but a nice guy and he likes me so... meh!), i've eventually seemed to regain my grasp on some kind of enthusiasm for real romance. I've been feeding myself at my leisure from a barren fridge, and find myself in the difficult position of chosing except this time the trouble is all the choises are appealing, instead of none. the moon was lovely with just Charlie on monday. Loved freya on thursday, great concerto competition - thanks Aaron - on friday; and saturday is already covered. 
MG. is coming along nicely.
Looking forward to friday at Rachael, Kristy and Jordan's, another 'Moonday' night, the next thursday for our Movie marathon, friday following 'That Brutal Moon' to try out and saturday birthday drinks. interspaced between all of this: three FP. rehearsals a week, work, and rest because then it's back to uni.

i almost forgot to gloat about finally having a full cast, so... yeah!

My sister got her Baccalaureate.
Becca is having a bomb in Spain. (and now has clothes)
Christian is making friends -and enemies- in Paris.
Georgie is going through more chemo.
Chris has finished his prac.
Chris Geelhoed had a bike accident and  broke an arm and a leg up North.
I passed techo, and lost 10 kgs (but that's irrelevant).
Someone knocked on the door earlier today and I have no idea who it was...

These people irritate me. 
I've finally managed to get my last folio feedback form open; we'll see how that translates into a mark but jeez they're hard to please.
The bookings for the french play rehearsals are tougher than they need to be. 
Work is starting to piss me off mistakes will be made eventually.
Going back for some chai experience tonight, if i can find the place. Should be a good gig to finally be myself. 

... Welcome back...
I've survived yet another extenuating folio and preparing for the rest of my life.
The things people do, the things they say. Not many people really pay attention. They'd have to care.
Spent the afternoon in freo with Rachael yesterday and it was much welcomed as I missed out on wednesday's group movie outing. I'm still in the throws of work gossip, drama, trauma... at least things are kept interesting. I have made the move to the next pay echelon and Jane has finanlly acknowledged that I was 21 (a while ago!) Here's hoping that it will make a difference. My sister is starting her Baccalaureate exams (some of the hardest and gruelling scholastic exams one might ever sit, right there). My mother is concerned, as ever; and I have things on my mind: too many.
I need someone to grab my head and ground me. Someone here to be most important in my life so that the rest is futile.
But right now I'm cold so I think I might head on back home to the warmth of my sheets and screen.

Got to the point of giving up on you, 'cause I never seem to ever get through
but in a moment of peace, I think I understand why;
why it is you want to live as an island man
sometimes all you need is self preservation, 'cause the water around you gets so full of confusion
hold on, in the shelter you find, take refuge in the warmth of your mind

I comendate the resolution, to release the weight that you're compensating. It resonates with the revolution, man. This is your own personal ad for evolution.

Everyone's gotta do what they've gotta do.
Everyone's going through, gonna go though what you're going through.

I think I just automatically deleted some important emails from my full inbox by mistake. I've now had to send a profuse apology to my lecturer in one of my units, asking him to send his correction of my review back to me and obviously apologising for not having saved it onto hard-drive straight away... ooops!
The labs are starting to fill up -
It's all coming together and I'm all coming apart